Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Dastardly Doings of Lord Derek Dammit…


Lord Derek Dammit is a bad bad boy…but can you blame him? Despite his noble birth, from the time he was stitched and stuffed, people have been smacking him about, taking out their frustrations by grabbing poor Derek by the legs and whacking him against any hard surface they find, screaming “Dammit Dammit Dammit!”

It’s no wonder why, after a life-time of such abuse, Lord Derek was rotten to the core. He escaped his familial home and fled to London, taking out his own frustrations against anyone he came across. But one day, he went too far…

Charged with impersonating the Queen’s guard (not to mention improper pinching of the Queen’s guard’s arse), Lord Derek was exiled from the British Isles and decided to start anew in the Colonies. He made his way west, causing trouble everywhere he went until he landed on the beautiful island of Hawaii.

There, Lord Derek Dammit’s life changed forever, as life often does when one meets his true love.

Her name was Darla—the most refreshing, unconventional chit Lord Derek Dammit had ever encountered. Cupid’s arrow quite knocked Derek off of his feet. While he hid his noble birth from her, three blissful days were spent by Darla’s side strolling along the famed black sand beaches of the Big Island and making love at sunset at the southernmost point of the northern hemisphere.

But while his time with Darla was the closest thing to happiness he’d ever known, Lord Derek’s demons wouldn’t let him be. A life-time of anger and fear roiled within him, keeping him from being able to truly experience the peace and pleasure love offered. His growing closeness with Darla terrified the normally tough, cold Dammit Doll. So one night, after Darla had slipped off into oblivious and sated slumber, Lord Derek left her a brusque note:

Been fun, babe, but I’ve got to move on. There are more beaches and more cotton stuffing to explore…

And he left, like the bad boy that he was.

Moments after he’d walked away, Lord Derek knew he’d made a mistake. Yet he also knew that if he stayed, he would make Darla miserable. No Dammit Doll would be able put up with his mercurial moods and his bad boy ways for long…he would only ruin her life, turn her into a bitter, brittle shell of the Dammit Doll she was. So he stayed away.

But the days that followed were torture for Derek. He heard tales of Darla’s devastation, stood hidden at the airport window and watched as she flew away, back to the states. He couldn’t stand the pain, and turned to hard drink, going on a week-long destructive bender all over the island.

But one day, he went too far…

Charged with destruction of a sacred tombstone in the Hawaiian Catholic Cemetery, Lord Derek was transported from the Hawaiian Islands to Alcatraz Island.

During his time in the clink, Lord Derek realized he had much to lament in his life, but his biggest regret was letting Darla go. He had to win her back, tell her the truth about his identity and beg her forgiveness and her hand in marriage. It took much doing, but he learned that Darla would be at the Romance Writers of America national conference in Orlando, at the Moonlight Madness Bizarre.

He made plans to surprise her there and to do his best to convince her that what she’s read in all of those romance novels is true: that a reformed rake of a Dammit Doll makes the best kind of husband…

Come to the Mid-America Romance Author’s booth to see if Lord Derek Dammit was able to win back the love of his Darling Dammit Darla…

For the next installment of the Dammit Doll story, visit award-winning author Carla Cassidy’s blog at www.carlacassidy.wordpress.com this coming Friday, July 16.

Or to read Dammit Darla’s side of the story, visit author Jackie Bannon’s blog at http://jackiebannon.blogspot.com/2010/07/dammit-darla.html

(This post is a fun and farcical advertisement to entice you to visit the Moonlight Madness Bizarre at the Romance Writers of America conference in Orlando on Thursday, July 29 from 8 p.m. to Midnight where my chapter, Mid-America Romance Authors will be selling a delightful array of whackable Dammit Dolls for writers, complete with different verses aimed at expressing the unique frustrations of the publishing business—each ending with “Dammit Dammit Dammit”, of course. Please come by and see us if you will be in Orlando, or stop by the MARA site.) www.mararwa.com/authors/dammitdoll.htm


  1. Oh my. I am laughing so hard. This is hilarious. I wish I could join you there, but alas, I won't be attending RWA Nationals.

  2. You all are awesome!! What a funny, wonderful way to get people to your moonlight madness booth. Hope you sell many. Thanks for sharing~

  3. Did you say you couldn't write humor? You lied! I'm rooting for Derek and hoping Darla with take him back. Now, can you dream up a hero for Daisy?

  4. LOL Cute story, Heather. I hope we sell a bunch. With your help we should.